Hanging By a Moment
by The Nagisa Thesis
Summary: Tai's greatest secret comes out in the open. How will Matt take it? Be warned. Issa Taito!!! ^_^


A/N: God damn you Clara. Just kidding everybody, but I was going to write a songfic to "Hanging by a Moment" and I was checking out FF.net last night, and lo and behold, it was already done.I cursed the author and threw a relative FIT, and then I saw the author's name.It was CLARA!!!Friend and frequent roleplayer!I FELT SO BETRAYED!!!But hey, I asked if I could write one too, and she said yes. ^^ Thankya Clara-chan!!! ^_^ And, so, here, based on the song by Lifehouse, is "Hanging by a Moment".Taito to the nines here.The only way it can be! ^_~

Oh yes.And I don't own Digimon (damn it all to hell) I just mess with the characters heads for my own enjoyment.

# Hanging by a Moment

_Desperate for changing _

_Starving for truth_

_I'm closer to where I started_

## I'm chasing after you

_ _

The park was so dull with the streetlights that I could barely see the trees I was running into.Remind me again never to take a shortcut through the greenbelts.But tonight was different, I couldn't be late.I had called poor Matt out of his house at the most unholy time of night, in frigid temperatures, for the stupidest reason.I know it would be the end of me, so maybe I was suicidal?No, that doesn't sound right.I mean, if he said no, it wouldn't kill me physically, just…emotionally.

I could see a break in the trees before me.There was somebody standing under a lamp-post, a long, green scarf wrapped around their neck.His black coat made his blonde hair look even lighter.Oh God how beautiful he would have looked if it were snowing.But it wasn't snowing.Damn it.

He looked like he had been waiting for quite a while.His cheeks were pink, and his ears were red, and the tip of his milky white nose was a light rosy colour.I couldn't believe how selfish I was.I was at home, wondering whether or not I should show up, when he was waiting there like a good friend in the cold.He's amazing like that.

And yet- he turned to leave!He must not have seen me, for when I burst out of the trees he spun around like the dogs of hell were after him.It took him a second, but he recognized my distinct hairstyle.Like anybody could ever forget it…

"Taichi?" he gasped almost as loud as I was.I nodded, panting, resting my hands on my knees.Jesus winter was bad for me…the second soccer started up I would have to start running in laps if I didn't want to die on the field.

I looked up at him for the first time that night.Mistake number one.

He was smiling his typical sarcastic grin, his blue eyes shining merrily in the night, illuminating the entire part of the park we were in.

Oh God, I could barely control myself.His lips where a chilled violet colour, and he looked like he had been there forever, just waiting for me.I couldn't get over how patient and kind he was.

This was the night I was going to tell him how I felt about him.

_  
I'm falling even more in love with you_

_Letting go of all I've held on to_

_I'm standing here until you make me move_

_I'm hanging by a moment here with you_

_  
_"So," he said with a smile, "what did you want to tell me?"

I stood there in utter shock, just staring dumbly at him.I knew I should have been making some attempt to speak, but for some reason I couldn't.I think it's the way he looked that night.It was like some sort of brain-impairing drug. Finally, I find my words.

"Tell…you…?" I replied in a blank tone.I mentally slapped myself.Waita go, Tai.I have never been one for words, but that night I was downright pathetic.

Matt's icy blue eyes clouded over a bit, and he looked…angry.Oh, I was familiar with his angry side.It had died down since we were kids of 11, he was mellower now, but those eyes still give me the creeps.

"You said you wanted to tell me something?" Matt asked, looking hurt now.The patience was still strong in his voice.He was so steady, like a rock.

"Oh, yeah," I said, searching for something plausible.Nothing.It was something about standing there under his gaze that either completely frightened me, or completely enthralled me.And it was silent, too.Not a soul was around; if I kissed him there would be no witnesses…

I shook that thought out of my head and spurted out the first words that came to mind.

"I was, ah, wondering if you could…"

I looked down at the ground for some help, and found nothing.There was never a conversation starter when you needed one.Here, in the real world, with everything around you.I mean, at least in Digiworld I could bitch at him for playing his harmonica so damn much.But-

Aha!

"I was wondering if you could teach me how to play the harmonica." I blurted out.__

_ _

_Forgetting all I'm lacking_

_Completely incomplete_

_I'll take your invitation_

_You take all of me_

_ _

_Now I'm falling even more in love with you _

_Letting go of all I've held onto_

_I'm standing here until you make me move_

_I'm hanging by a moment here with you_

_ _

Matt blinked, and was silent for a moment, then grinned widely, and…started to laugh.I blinked in confusion.

"Sure I'll teach you, Tai!" he said in a kind voice, "I mean, I guess I'll have to loan you one of my old ones, but they're pretty ancient, don't blame me if they're somewhat off-tune!"

I laughed nervously in return, scratching the back of my head.It was a nice save, but how long could I dance around the real reason I was there without going completely insane?

"Yeah!" I chirped, "Sounds awesome, man!Who knows, maybe I can join the band!!"

I was only joking of course, but Matt paused thoughtfully at the idea.

"Actually," he replied, "that's not a bad idea.I mean, we'd need a harmonica player for some songs.It's kinda impossible for me to play the harmonica, guitar, and sing at the same time, ya know?You're more than welcome to join.IF you prove that you can play a mean harmonica."

I stared at him in disbelief.Matt was actually inviting me to join his band…his band was his close, secretive group of friends.They were aloof, popular (more popular than I was, anyway) and almost elite.And Matt was asking me to join.

"S-sure…" I stammered, flattered beyond belief.It only made me feel more love swelling in my heart.I had to tell him tonight, or I'd explode.

Matt grinned a little quirk of a smile.

"No problem, man," he replied, "is that all you wanted to talk to me about?"

I blanked.Here was my opportunity to tell him, it was right in front of me.All I had to do was say those three little words and I could run away into the night, and I would never have to feel pain or rejection again.

But I had to have courage.

Courage that I didn't have.

God damn this crest.I wanted it more than anything, but even now, in the new millennium, loving another boy was, well, wrong.I'm sure Matt thought it was wrong, too.Knowing my luck he probably liked someone like Mimi.Lucky ditz.

"Yeah, that's all." I said in a damp tone.Matt paused for a moment, something like suspicion flickering in his deep blue eyes, then smiled softly again.

"Cool," he replied, "seeya at the movies tomorrow.Remember, you pick up Kari, Davis, Yolei, Joe, and Sora.I'm picking up TK, Mimi, Ken, Izzy, and Cody.You think you can handle them?"

I nodded slowly, feeling something like one of those tacky bobbing-head dogs people put in their cars.I couldn't believe how cowardly I was.

"Great," Matt said with a grin, "I'm going to go get warm.Seeya!"

He waved a bit, and turned to leave, scarf fluttering in the wind.If he left now, I would never get the courage to ask him out here like this again, I would always fall short of my nerve.He would never know how I really felt.

Suddenly, that sounded worse than his rejection.At least if I told him then he would always know, and it would linger in the back of his mind.I would be thought of.

Not wanting to risk my moment, I lunged forward.

"Matt, wait!" I managed to gasp, and grabbed ahold of his hand.There was a silence as he looked back at me strangely.His blue eyes studied me carefully, and I had to bite my lip and avert my gaze down at his hand I held in both of mine.It was so cold.

"Matt…I…" I stammered, not knowing what exactly I should do.How do you tell someone, never mind another boy, that you love them?It's not exactly easy, I'll tell you now.

_ _

_I'm living for the only thing I know _

_I'm running and not quite sure where to go_

_And I don't know what I'm diving into_

_Just hanging by a moment here with you _

_ _

"What is it, Tai?" Matt asked.I looked up at him.He looked a little nervous that I was holding his hand, but I would never let it go, not that I had it in both of mine.I had his gaze, now.He looked a little confused, wondering what the devil could be taking me so long to say.

I was confused, too.I didn't really understand why I felt this way, but one thing was crystal clear in my mind.I loved him.I was in love with Yamato Ishida, and dammit, I would not chicken out.I just didn't know how I would say it.Would I try to be comical about it?Sweet?Passionate?Would I sweep him off his feet and make love to him right there in the snowy park?

That sounded nice, but I'm sure he would NOT enjoy that.Matt was always a very moral person.I knew I had to say it, but the problem was…how…?

I couldn't stop myself.I had to say it right now.My future before me was unclear, but I couldn't let that stop me.God, what was I doing?I was jumping into the great unknown; I was living for the moment; I was hanging by its very thread.

Sometimes, it's not how you say it, but what you say that's important.

"I love you…Yamato Ishida…" I said in a tiny, meek voice.There was a long silence.I bit my lip and tried to look up.So far, so slow.I couldn't manage to look at his face.Finally, I gathered up all the courage in my soccer-playing ex-goggle-sporting body and forced my chin up, to lock gaze with him.

The good news?It wasn't horror.The bad news?It was complete and total confusion.He was looking at me like I had two heads.

"I…beg your pardon…?" he stammered.I knew he had heard perfectly well what I had said, it just wasn't registering in that blonde brain of his.Carefully, I cleared my throat, and started to go into depth…

_ _

_There's nothing else to lose_

_There's nothing else to find_

_There's nothing in the world_

## That can change my mind

_  
There is nothing else_

_There is nothing else_

_There is nothing else_

_ _

"I always thought about you a lot when we were kids," I explained, "and I didn't exactly know why.I think it was because I was still young, but I figured it must have been because you drove me crazy.You argued with me all the time, you challenged my opinions; you fought hand-to-hand combat with me!!At first I thought I just held a grudge, but I started to see you in a new light.I think it was when…yes, when we were fighting Piedmon.You came to save me, and your crest regenerated me."

I looked him square in the eye again.He still looked in utter shock, but at least his shoulders weren't so rigid.

"And," I continued, interlocking my fingers and looking at the snowbank to the far left of us, "I suddenly started to like you.Not as in a best friend sort of like; to tell you the truth I felt that way about you the whole time; but it was more of a deep affection. And then it ended, and then there was the internet battle, and…"

I looked up at the stars and snowflakes in the sky.I was digging myself a grave, standing here, but at least everything I had bottled up for the past five or six years was finally going public.

"I don't know," I said in an exasperated tone, "it's almost like fate drew me to you.I think I was meant to fall in love with you.I know you're probably thinking 'Oh my God, Tai's fruitier than a cherry pie!' and totally repulsed about all this, but the truth is that I can't just sit back and keep it from you.And no matter what, I will never stop loving you."

Matt actually blinked; that was a good sign.I was starting to think his eyes were drying out.Only thing is, his eyes got a little bigger.That WASN'T a good sign.

"Yes, I'm serious, Matt," I said, trying to clarify his absolutely confounded expression, "I've loved you pretty much since the day we met, and I'll always love you.I mean, there is nothing that is more solid, or more pure than what I'm feeling.I don't need to think it over, I don't need to sit down, I just needed to say it.I'm absolutely positive I love you.I have never been more sure of anything in my entire life.Compared to this, my whole life has been nothing but a gamble!"

I looked up at him.He was still in utter shock, but at least he was still there.His beautiful face was pale white, his eyes were wide, staring at me incredulously.His jaw was hitting the ground, and he looked absolutely ridiculous.I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.I straightened my face and continued my little rant.

_ _

_Desperate for changing_

_Starving for truth_

_I'm closer to where I started_

_I'm chasing after you _

_ _

"It doesn't matter if you don't feel the same way," I declared righteously, "I still want to be your friend, and I hope you can keep this whole fiasco from ruining our friendship.In truth, I want nothing more to be your friend.At least then I wont be hated by you or anything, or totally excluded, you know, I just…I can't…"

I looked up at him again.His mouth was closed, and he looked like he was thinking deeply about something.You know that look, when he slightly bites his bottom lip and his eyes kind of retract and look hollow?That's how he looked right then.

"Look, Matt," I said in a slightly saddened tone, "I'm sorry I dragged you out here into this cold, and I'm sorry for saying all this stuff, it's just it had to be said before it ate me alive, and, I have to say it again, I love you, and…you can leave now if you want…but-"

From in the range of my blank gaze I saw him move.Oh great, he was leaving.No? He was coming closer?

_  
I'm falling even more in love with you_

_Letting go of all I've held onto_

_I'm standing here until you make me move _

_Just hanging by a moment here with you_

_ _

I barely had time to think, let alone breathe, before he cupped my cheek with a gentle hand and brought his lips to mine.I must not have taken a breath for that whole time I was talking, either, for when he pulled away I was gasping.But Matt was smiling warmly at me, his blue eyes shining with kindness.

"Tai, man…" he murmured softly, locking his gaze with mine, "You talk to much…"

I trembled at the touch of his hand that was still on my cheek.

"I- I….I…I….-I….I'm….s-s-s-….sor-ry…" I stammered, looking up at him in complete confusion.Matt laughed slightly, inching his mouth closer to mine.His eyes were half-closed like he was under some sort of narcotic.It was him that was the drug.

"Don't be," he whispered, his breath warm against my face, "because I love you too."

My heart swelled with joy as our lips touched yet again, tingling with pure electricity.

The two of us shared the sweetest kiss under the lamplight in the snowy park, and suddenly…it wasn't so cold anymore…__

_ _

_Just hanging by a moment,  
Hanging by a moment,  
Hanging by a moment,  
Hanging by a moment here with you.___


End file.
